In our ten years as a travel firm we’ve helped pamper presidents and mollycoddle the Hollywood elite, but this Hallowe’en at Oliver’s Travels we’re going to offer something to guests that are a little more demanding. You could even say they’re out for our blood.
We’re taking customer service to the next level with our Vampire Weekender. Most of our customers are after a sun-drenched Tuscan villa or a dreamy French chateau, but we thought it was high time we extended our customer service a little further than usual – beyond the grave, in fact.
Typical mini-break luxuries such as feathery-soft beds, wood burners and light airy rooms have been exorcised and replaced with ghastly crypts decaying in the basement and a pervasive sense of dread. This blood-curdingly scary weekend comes with just one catch – you must prove you’re suitably vampire-like to qualify for booking.
Situated in Edinburgh’s remote and spooky countryside, Fenton Tower is the ideal location to spend the scariest weekend of the year, with the downright deadly ambiance the perfect habitat for the undead. Sleeping a total of 12 cold-skinned guests, the Tower’s two spiral staircases and huge vaulted dining room are the height of Gothic chic, and its four foot thick walls will ensure a delightfully crypt-like ambiance (provided nobody wants to take advantage of the central heating or roaring log fire). Dating back to the 16th century, those creatures of the night who have stalked the living for 400 years or more are sure to feel right at home, only with the added benefit of free internet access.
And of course, those damned to eternal life in the shadows are bound to be a bit picky about where they lay their heads at night, so every effort will be taken to give Dracula’s children the Hallowe’en they deserve. Blackout curtains will be installed and kept shut throughout all daylight hours to ensure nobody bursts into flames or has to endure the shame of their skin going all glittery in the sun. Beds will replaced with the finest silk-lined coffins while mirrors, crosses, bibles and pointy bits of wood have all been removed for guests’ comfort and convenience. We’ve even arranged a footman to greet each guest at the door and, of course, invite them in.
With the ambiance sorted, our bloodthirsty band of houseguests can start to enjoy the nocturnal entertainment on offer. Every undead whim will be catered for by a team of servants specially selected for their discretion and lack of pulse. A demonically delicious tasting menu is available from dusk onwards, and is guaranteed 100% garlic-free. There’s also an on-demand service for vampire screenings of your choosing accompanied by a selection of appropriately grotesque (and potent!) cocktails. You can even get together for a midnight walk through the dark and eerie Scottish countryside, though please be advised that fighting with neighbourhood werewolves is frowned upon by the local community, and may cause you to lose your deposit.
The Big Vampire Weekender costs £600 per person based on a two day-and-night stay on 31st October – 1st November 2014. If you think you’ve got the sallow complexion, aversion to sunlight and thirst for the blood of the living to qualify, take our quiz to determine your Vampiric suitability! If you pass the test and want to book, email us on firstname.lastname@example.org or call 0800 133 7999. Don’t hang about though – the dead travel fast!
For those who don’t want to opt for Vampirism but are still looking for a spooky getaway, Oliver’s Travels also has a range of other Gothic properties that offer excellent value for money for families and groups, with average prices in France as low as £39 pppn.